i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dicks are not precious.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
