If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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