i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
