you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
