She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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