just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
