I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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