I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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