i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
