I cannot find my penis.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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