he thought i was a dude.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just high enough for therapy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
