I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
