i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
