Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
