He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
