either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
