im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
