It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
