How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
