were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
