Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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