I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
