I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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