the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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