If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
