this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
