The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
