for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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