My liver just broke up with me...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
