I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
