so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize