Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
