I just made out with a guy for $7.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
