Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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