you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize