OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
