note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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