Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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