you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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