I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
