I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need water and some morals
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
