Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
