There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
