Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
