What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
