...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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