I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize