we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's like iHOP with fire
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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