Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
