The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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