Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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