so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
