But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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