That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
