u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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