well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
