Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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