I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
