i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
