My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she peed on how many people?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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