I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
