I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
