I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
