i think i have two assholes
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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