Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
