chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
