Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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