I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
