In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
