My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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