So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
