So drunk its hurt
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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