he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
bring money and cleavage
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
