I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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