Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

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  (703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5
  Replies (12) Good night (829) Bad night (1344)
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  (516): View more from New York

  If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.

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  (516): If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals. http://tfl.nu/q4jm
  Replies (9) Good night (988) Bad night (1510)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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  (301): you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop. http://tfl.nu/0o9n
  Replies (19) Good night (7316) Bad night (800)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.

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  (913): My favorite part of our friendship is your tits. http://tfl.nu/3eyr
  Replies (19) Good night (4504) Bad night (840)
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  (212): View more from New York

  he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.

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  (212): he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform. http://tfl.nu/ifar
  Replies (16) Good night (673) Bad night (3491)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl

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  (208): Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl http://tfl.nu/2pl6
  Replies (7) Good night (813) Bad night (3872)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.

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  (910): Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study. http://tfl.nu/l0py
  Replies (13) Good night (2583) Bad night (3287)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

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  (210): yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons." http://tfl.nu/jfl4
  Replies (10) Good night (5390) Bad night (1632)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.

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  (+61): How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face. http://tfl.nu/d4p2
  Replies (8) Good night (859) Bad night (1512)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.

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  (760): She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid. http://tfl.nu/c9kh
  Replies (3) Good night (641) Bad night (1460)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.

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  (651): well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well. http://tfl.nu/icbo
  Replies (1) Good night (500) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.

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  (403): Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts. http://tfl.nu/53ih
  Replies (4) Good night (793) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?

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  (517): Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet? http://tfl.nu/vxlg
  Replies (2) Good night (294) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom

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  (708): To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/md1a
  Replies (0) Good night (236) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.

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  (315): My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood. http://tfl.nu/j3sr
  Replies (1) Good night (372) Bad night (139)

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