Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.