I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.