So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.