break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
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i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
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Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.