Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.

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(509): Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN. http://tfl.nu/p4en

Replies (19) Good night (4278) Bad night (546)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown

(303): View more from Colorado

I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.

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(720): Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown (303): I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself. http://tfl.nu/zmkv

Replies (44) Good night (8731) Bad night (1161)
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(303): View more from Colorado

This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

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(303): This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now. http://tfl.nu/jc3w

Replies (25) Good night (1518) Bad night (5201)
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(314): View more from Missouri

not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now

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(314): not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now http://tfl.nu/x7uc

Replies (10) Good night (2422) Bad night (1122)
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(334): View more from Alabama

I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol

(256): View more from Alabama

Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.

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(334): I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol (256): Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn. http://tfl.nu/f3y5

Replies (9) Good night (2489) Bad night (883)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck

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(717): can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck http://tfl.nu/v7jv

Replies (4) Good night (1638) Bad night (758)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!

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(770): Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?! http://tfl.nu/n67z

Replies (12) Good night (685) Bad night (1228)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.

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(412): He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/cf48

Replies (5) Good night (1460) Bad night (466)
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(253): View more from Washington

Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.

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(253): Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead. http://tfl.nu/ww0m

Replies (3) Good night (967) Bad night (417)
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(805): View more from California

Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.

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(805): Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/tlvz

Replies (1) Good night (712) Bad night (404)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?

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(401): Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra? http://tfl.nu/q2ra

Replies (4) Good night (648) Bad night (379)
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(248): View more from Michigan

They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.

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(248): They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror. http://tfl.nu/3vjx

Replies (2) Good night (1251) Bad night (474)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Happy Birhtday!

(289): View more from Ontario

Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home

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(416): Happy Birhtday! (289): Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home http://tfl.nu/oimr

Replies (4) Good night (1974) Bad night (496)
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(276): View more from Virginia

Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.

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(276): Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well. http://tfl.nu/93p0

Replies (5) Good night (704) Bad night (333)
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(+48): View more from Poland

It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.

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(+48): It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this. http://tfl.nu/tdnl

Replies (6) Good night (558) Bad night (445)

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