who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
