Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
What drink are we having for lunch?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.